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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328153">all that blood (was never once beautiful)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressivePotato/pseuds/DepressivePotato'>DepressivePotato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War Team Iron Man, F/M, Family, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, Kid Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), M/M, Parent Tony Stark, Pepper Potts Needs a Hug, Precious Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Protective Harley Keener, Sacrifice, Sad, Self-Sacrifice, That's it that's the plot, Time Travel, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Dies, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, everybody needs a fucking hug this is sad, not team cap friendly :(, oh my god how I hate that man</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 06:48:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,925</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressivePotato/pseuds/DepressivePotato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it was just red.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harley Keener &amp; Tony Stark, Harley Keener/Original Male Character(s), James "Rhodey" Rhodes &amp; Tony Stark, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) &amp; Tony Stark, Pepper Potts &amp; Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>160</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all that blood (was never once beautiful)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>"nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.”<br/>-kait rokowski</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sometimes Tony wished it could be different.</p><p> </p><p>After the dust settled and Thanos teleported his way to Earth (Tony’ brain just shouted Pepper constantly), he and the blue meanie were alone. Tony watched the dust disappear from his hands, mixing into nothingness. He watched the orange soil, and waited to die.</p><p> </p><p>Peter was gone, the war was long lost; whatever was up there wouldn’t let him live after all that pain, would it? It would show him mercy, because God, Tony was tired, so so tired, and he tried to keep on walking, he really did. He tried to be strong and he tried to protect the ones he loved, and even the whole world. He begged for forgiveness for the ones that was lost, saved as many lives as he could, and lost sleep for the ones he couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Tony wasn’t a religious man, but sometimes, he would look at the sky, and hope that the people he couldn’t save forgive him. He wasn’t a good man, he knew that. He was selfish, egoistical, stubborn. He didn’t deserve Pepper (<em>please, please let her live), </em>the woman who had been putting up with Tony’s bullshit for years. The woman who loved Tony, even though his scars were hideous; both inside and outside. The woman who risked her life for Tony, because Tony was so fucking selfish and needed an anchor to not to drown. Pepper was his anchor, but now, Tony was sinking in the water.</p><p> </p><p>He found himself kicking and punching the orange soil. He also felt the hot tears on his face, blurring his vision, burning his eyes. If it hadn’t been for him, Rhodey would still be walking, he wouldn’t feel pain every time he took a step, he would still fly, still do the thing he loved, but Tony was once again selfish, thinking only himself and no one else.</p><p> </p><p><em>What if he had died, </em>the voice in his head said. <em>Would Pepper be able to forgive you? What if you lost him? The only person who was truly your friend in this world. You put Happy in danger, remember the Mandarin? Pepper almost died in the hands of Killian. Harley, that little boy, who wanted nothing more than to help you in his little garage, he would be dead if it hadn’t been for the some shit you gave him by chance. Peter…</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He’s gone, idiot.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And it’s because of you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After the glowing blondie dropped them at earth, Tony almost didn’t want to go.</p><p> </p><p>“I lost the kid,” he told Steve, and his heart ached at the thought of Peter. <em>I lost the kid, Steve. If I hadn’t let him go to the ship, he would be here, maybe even alive. I killed him. I killed him, I killed him.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>“</em>Tony, we all lost.” Steve said, not understanding what Tony meant once again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“you know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tony should’ve listened to him.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>The tight grip on his heart lightened when he saw the strawberry-blonde hair of Pepper. </p><p>It wasn’t perfect like it used to be; it was the hair of someone with grief. The tan sweater on her was Tony’s.</p><p>His first thought was <em>I love her.</em></p><p><em>“Thank god,” </em>she managed, and hugged him. Tony felt his skin burning. By some dumb luck, Pepper was still here, while the other half of the world was not. She was here, hugging Tony, whispering ‘<em>thank god’s </em>to his ear, crying.</p><p>Everything became clear to Tony.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He ripped out his arc reactor and gave it to Steve. He didn’t need it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Here’s the heart that you broke.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Furnishing was hard. Tony had to sit down and take a deep breath after seeing one of the lego sets Peter left when he was staying over.</p><p> </p><p>Pepper calmed him while he cried.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, god,” he gasped, clutching to her arms. “I<em> killed him, oh god.” </em>Pepper knew that everything she would say would fly away like dust, meaningless, so she stayed silent, and held Tony as he was rocking from the force of his sobs.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>The wedding was beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>The Captain wasn’t there.</p><p> </p><p>Tony stared at the chair he reserved for him after the ceremony.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on,” Pepper said gently, kissing his hair. “Let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Over the years, hundreds of women claimed they had a sex with Tony. Not most of them were wrong. After all, he was a Stark, and Stark Men were made of iron. A <em>real Stark man, </em>Howard had said once, between the long sips of whiskey, <em>has a dick made out of iron.</em></p><p> </p><p>Out, in, live the euphoria, forget about everything for thirty seconds. You’re a man, make them feel good, out, in.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in ages, Tony felt completely at bliss when he made love with Pepper. He wanted to stay like that forever, watching Pepper’s every twitch, listening to her every moan. Savoring the sweat between their bodies and the slicked scent of sex, he kissed her, long and passionate.</p><p> </p><p><em>This is mine,</em> he though, for the first time in his life. <em>I can have this. I deserve this.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>“I love you,” </em>he murmured at her ear as he came.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I love you,” </em>she said back.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Harley knocked on the door of the cabin, holding his old potato gun in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“T<em>hey’re gone,” </em>he said, shaking in Tony’s arms as he held him tight. “<em>They’re gone, they’re gone…”</em></p><p> </p><p>Tony didn’t know what to do, so he just hugged him until his cries stopped.</p><p> </p><p><em>I know how you feel,</em> he wanted to say. <em>They turned to dust in your hands, gone with the wind, not even a body to bury. Not even something to look at and remember.</em></p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>But if there were no bodies, and they weren’t officially dead, were they? They were just...gone.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Pepper was pregnant.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After all the fights and the wars, after all the pain and the terror, she was pregnant. Tony’s insides screamed; <em>You’ll hurt her like you hurt everyone else. This world isn’t safe for a Stark;you already lost a kid, you want to kill another?</em></p><p> </p><p>Instead, he dropped down next to Pepper and kissed her, hot tears mixing to the kiss. “<em>God, I love you,” </em>he murmured, his hands circling her waist. “<em>I love you, I love you, I love you.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Pepper smiled, her eyes closed, her face resting against Tony’s.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She never wanted to lose him again.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They named her Morgan, after Pepper’s eccentric uncle, the only family member that actually liked Tony in the Potts family. Tony remembered the wrinkled face of the man, smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ginny runs hot like red pepper, but she has this big, mushy, romantic heart inside of her, even if she showed it to no one. You make her happy, god knows she deserves it. ”</em></p><p> </p><p>After that, Tony had called her Pepper. She never knew why. She didn’t need to.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>“Tony, just shut up for God’s sake!” Pepper shouted, her breathing quick and short. The baby decided to come a bit earlier than expected, and Tony, already fearing for the life of a perfectly normal baby, did not know how to act with a baby that was <em>coming early</em>. “You’re gonna make me drop the baby right here!”</p><p> </p><p>Harley drove, trying to suppress his giggles. Tony kept chanting ‘faster!’</p><p> </p><p>“You drive slower than my grandma, and she’s dead!” The genius said, trying to control his breathing. His baby girl was <em>not </em>going to be birthed in the back of a car. The car was a Lamborghini, but still.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gonna make me crash!” Harley shouted, cutting another car. The horn sounds sounded like a clear ‘fuck you’ to him. “Hold your horses, you’re sweating like a whore in church!”</p><p> </p><p>“Language!” Tony screamed, and between all the sweat and the pain, Pepper laughed.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Morgan looked exactly like her father, Pepper realized, and looked at Tony. She saw the tears, dancing around his eyes as one of the nurses gave him the baby. His hands were shaking as he held the head carefully, the little body disappearing between his big figure.</p><p> </p><p>Pepper looked at them through clouded eyes and a tired smile.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I swear, I’ll never let anything happen to you, baby girl,” T</em>ony whispered. “<em>I swear.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Pepper knew that he had seen many wars and fights, and she knew that all the blood still haunted his dreams. She knew that every morning he woke up was a challenge, and every night he went to bed was a nightmare. She knew that Peter was long gone, and Tony was still looking at the photograph at the kitchen with sadness in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Pepper remembered when she fell into the fire, and her last thought was ‘<em>tony’s never going to forgive himself’. </em>As the flames licked her skin, the only thing on her mind was again the man<em>, </em>and as she killed Killian, she looked at herself, at her hands, glowing orange.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How can he ever love me like this?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>But he did.</p><p>And so did she.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Morgan grew up, building, laughing, and learning various Tennessee slang from her older brother, Harley. She looked more and more like Tony every single day, her eyes like caramel and her hair burnt auburn, a mix between her mother and her father.</p><p> </p><p>As she built her first circuit board, Tony examined it for half an hour, and praised Morgan for another. She was smiling big by the time she got out of their little lab.</p><p> </p><p>Tony looked at thefloor, with tears in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p><em>You’re not Howard, </em>he reminded himself. <em>And you never will be.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Harley brought a boy named ‘Jack’ to dinner one day. Him and Morgan talked about biochemistry all evening. Tony watched Harley look at him at the table, familiar with the look in his eyes. He had the same look when he looked at Pepper.</p><p> </p><p>Tony hugged Harley tight in the kitchen, stroking his ashy blonde hair. The boy was almost taller than him now.</p><p> </p><p>He also offered Jack to stay for some coffee after. Pepper smiled behind her cup.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>“I love him,” Harley huffed, tinkering. “But that hat makes him look dumber than a sack of rocks!” Tony laughed and shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll, you’re gonna tell him he looks beautiful, or whatever you say in Tennessee, because that’s love kid. Do you hear me saying Pepper looks bad in anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because she never looks bad?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that’s a reason, but so does Jack.” Tony winked, and Harley chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“Kiss my ass,” he answered, and Tony hit him in the head with one of Morgan’s cushions.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>“We need to take a stand, Tony,” Natasha said, and Tony scoffed.</p><p>“We did stand,” <em>and we lost everything. We lost, and it costed god knows how many peoples lives. We failed, at least I can admit that.</em></p><p> </p><p>This was <em>time itself,</em> messing with it could kill millions of babies born in the last five years, destroy a timeline, destroy <em>their </em>timeline, or maybe even kill the remaining half. It could <em>kill Morgan. </em>It could turn everything Tony worked for in the last five years into nothing. It could cost them <em>everything.</em></p><p> </p><p>Tony punched the table when he heard that Bruce had said yes.</p><p> </p><p><em>Once again, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what I have to say, </em>he though, and sat on the wooden chair. “Fri, ran the schematics.”</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Banner looked at him apologetically when he walked in. Tony ignored him.</p><p> </p><p>“First off, let me say, don’t ignore me about quantum physics ever fucking again.” Going to <em>Banner </em>after he told them no was a low blow, and Tony did not blame the hulk/bruce (brulk?) for saying yes. Captain could be pretty persuasive if he wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’re going to help us?” Steve said, and Tony rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I will, I need to make sure you’re not blowing the planet up.”</p><p> </p><p>Natasha had dismay in her eyes, but Tony decided to ignore that too.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>“A last act of defiance?” Natasha asked him, making Tony shake at his place. She had this habit of coming unexpected and extremely quiet, and Tony, having PTSD, did not appreciate the act much.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not my last anything,” Tony shot back, sipping his green smoothie. The calculations seemed good enough, and Tony just had to hope that the particles didn’t blow them up in some time tunnel. God, he hated this.</p><p> </p><p>“The pink dye washed off?” Natasha took a seat, not too far from Tony. “It looked…cute.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well, she wants to dye it purple now.” Morgan loved changing her hair, and she was beyond happy when Auntie Nat had taught her how to braid her own hair. “Or orange, like the bird on that bird film. God, it’s like the only thing we’ve been watching for the last three weeks.”</p><p> </p><p>Natasha smiled softly, having watched it a hundred times herself. “It’s a cinematic masterpiece.”</p><p> </p><p>They stayed silent for a while, the only sound was the occasional beeps and bops of Dum-E. “We’re not going to make it. This is not going to work, Nat.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” she said. Her red hair reminded Tony of when the only had to worry about Loki’s dramatic ass. God, they were almost a family, <em>almost. “</em>But we have to believe that it will.” She smiled sadly, and added; “Nobody ever believed that world’s deadliest assassin would save the world, or find a family, but she did. Do you think anybody would’ve believed you if you told them in 2007 that Tony Stark, a man with textbook narcissism and a body count more than Steve can count would save the world not only once, but twice in 3 years? Would they believe that you started a family that you want nothing more to protect?”</p><p> </p><p>Tony wanted to run, to escape this god-awful compound and go back to his family, his wife and his daughter; he wanted to have dinner with nothing more to think than the dripping faucet in the kitchen. He wanted to watch that stupid bird movie again with Morgan and watch her laugh, even if she watched the scene a hundred times. He wanted to have a late night coffee with Pepper, and stroke her lovely hair as she held his hand, feeling the slight chill licking their faces, and smile, because they were in love and they were <em>safe at last.</em></p><p> </p><p>Instead, he sipped his smoothie and kept on working.</p><p> </p><p>If he’d do this right, he could turn back home.</p><p> </p><p>God, it was the fucking cave all over again.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>The dinners were almost as they were a family again. Only this time, Clint had a mohawk, Thor was a bit larger, and this <em>Scott </em>guy kept spilling his food everywhere. Also, a cyborg and a raccoon was there. A raccoon with a <em>pretty </em>dirty mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fucking telling ya’, she was screamin’! And I’m like, lady, I’m here for da sister, not you, calm your ass down.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony had just lost his appetite, and Natasha looked like she could stab the mammal pretty soon. Tony stared at her and showed the door, getting out of his seat. “As much entertaining as this story is, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Use protection next time.” Natasha got out with him, a little smirk on her face. Steve looked <em>scandalized.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>“</em>He said a bad word when you were gone, you know.” Natasha said, releasing the grey smoke from her lungs. Tony smiled. “He’s really getting out of line these days.”</p><p> </p><p>“Morgan learned a new word the other day. I tried to blame it on Pepper, but she’s already too smart for that, damn genetics.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” Natasha asked, a genuine smile on her face. It was a rare sight to see. “Please tell me it’s fuck or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Close enough, shit. Also, she already knows whore, thanks to Harley and his goddamned Tennessee slang.” Morgan hadn’t dropped the word for almost a month, and Tony answered several calls from her teacher as his daughter was calling all her classmates ‘whores’.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, how’s him and Jack going?” The grey smoke made Tony’s eyes water, but he knew better than to tell Natasha to give up her precious cigarette time.</p><p> </p><p>“I still have to tell them to keep their hands off each other off the diner table, but the door stays closed now. If Morgan sees them, she’ll probably be brain damaged.”</p><p> </p><p>“Told her the birds and the bees yet?”</p><p> </p><p>“She <em>knows</em> birds and bees, and she asked me to teach her how periods work because she read that in an article the other day but couldn’t understand what uterus exactly meant.” Natasha shook her head in disbelief, and Tony found himself laughing. “I told her that mommy could have more information on the subject. I had to do the dishes that night.”</p><p> </p><p>They both laughed as much as their scars let them. It felt good.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Harley dropped by the compound the other day. Tony could see the rage in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Harley,” he warned the boy, but he was already making his way for Steve. “Harley!”</p><p> </p><p>He turned, facing Tony. “Yeah, Tones? You’re just gonna fucking let that son of a bitch go, not saying anything, after everything you fucking went through?” Harley’s screaming gathered attention, and Tony felt everyone looking at them. <em>No, no, no. “</em>After he left you alone in that freezing cave, left you to die? He couldn’t even kill you with his own hands, that fucking coward.”</p><p> </p><p>Tony looked at Steve.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You haven’t told them, did you?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The room seemed to freeze around them as the friendly chatter died.</p><p> </p><p>Rhodey shook his head with discomfort, having known. Being the only person that ever knew besides Harley.</p><p> </p><p>Bruce looked…betrayed. Tony wondered what Steve had told them before. <em>He was killed in battle? </em>That wouldn’t be a total lie, he thought bitterly. He still remembered the pain, the numb feeling of betrayal. The breath got stuck on his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Harley, this is not your…” he told one more time as the boy walked up to Rogers. The boy was breathing fire. <em>This is not your fight, and even if it was, you can’t win.</em></p><p> </p><p>“I would punch you, but you’re not even worth that,” he said, looking defiant. “I just want you to know, whatever bullshit name you have, it doesn’t matter. You’re a piece of shit, you hear me?”</p><p> </p><p>Steve didn’t react. He didn’t have to.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t even say you’re fucking sorry, you piece of shit. God, this the man you put your trust in that much?,” he shouted, his face red with rage. <em>He’s never going to be sorry, Harley. He’s Captain America, remember? Nothing he does is wrong, </em>Tony thought bitterly. He wished things could be different, but they weren’t, and he was way past having unnecessary hopes. What was done was done, and even if they could build a time machine, the scars would always stay the same.</p><p> </p><p>“‘m sorry, Pop.” Harley muttered before walking away, not bothering to look back. Tony didn’t try to stop him.</p><p> </p><p>“Tony,” Steve tried, but Tony stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m way past asking for apologies, so if you really wanna do anything of the kind, let’s finish this ‘Back to the Future’ bullshit as soon as possible,” he said curtly, heading for the power system. Steve nodded, but the look on his eyes begged for forgiveness. Tony ignored it.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>The machine was done at last. Tony thought he was going to have a heart attack by the time they all got to the platform.</p><p> </p><p>He had called Pepper beforehand, and even filmed a little video just in case. Death was untimely, and Tony knew that pretty well; he had been getting drunk out of his mind the night his parents got murdered by the Winter Soldier.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Seeing the young him was weird.</p><p> </p><p>2012 Tony had less whites in his hair and less lines on his face. He also had less scars on his body, and was one big scar short from Tony.</p><p> </p><p>He tried not to flinch as he saw the 2012 him and Cap laughing just before the elevator closed. <em>Maybe we could’ve still had that, if I hadn’t done everything wrong.</em></p><p> </p><p>It was a painful thought to think about, so Tony dropped it. He focused on the mission. He even made a joke about Steve’s ass.</p><p> </p><p>Then why did it hurt this much?</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Tony had tried hating Howard, he really did.</p><p> </p><p>That was what he was supposed to do. You ought to hate the person that treats you like shit for 21 years and then still haunts you by the time he’s dead. Tony’s nightmares had more graphic things now, like aliens slaughtering the people he loves or Killian, burning hot like amber. Howard still made appearances, though. The belt in his hand and the stench of alcohol in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, he had <em>hugged </em>him.</p><p> </p><p>Because he was so, so tired. Tired of trying, trying to keep the roaring fire alive in his heart, fire of his hate. Tired of telling himself <em>not to feel, not to think, </em>not to complicate things. Without the alcohol and all the fun stuff he left back in the 90s, it was much, much harder, but Pepper had helped.</p><p> </p><p>She had showed him that <em>feeling</em> was not <em>weak.</em> Loving Pepper, feeling something, was an amazing thing, and it wasn’t tiring, but refreshing. He woke up everyday with the promise of seeing her beautiful strawberry-blonde hair, and went into bed every night -some nights, anyway- without the usual stench of alcohol in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe forgiveness didn’t have to be so weak.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t got the chance to say goodbye to Natasha.</p><p> </p><p><em>Liar, </em>his brain said, tears stinging his eyes. <em>Imposter. Spy.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Friend.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Nat was an old soul, rare to find, and after all the terror and all the pain she went through, she was still Nat Tony knew. Nat Tony loved. Nat that protected Tony not just because it was her job because she had grown close to him. Nat who watched Rio with him countless times. Nat who taught Morgan how to braid her hair. Nat who saved Tony’s life endless times, never wanting a thank you for it.</p><p> </p><p>Natalie Rushman.</p><p> </p><p>The Widow was gone.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>The first time Tony stepped into that cramped living room, he knew the boy was in pain.</p><p> </p><p>The aunt was fairly hot, and equally smart, but Tony knew how hard it was for a woman to raise a child on her own. That’s what Maria had tried to do.</p><p> </p><p>Look at how he turned out.</p><p> </p><p>After he had thanked May Parker for the cookies -which tasted like they had rocks in them- he followed the young spiderling to the room, expecting everything but that room. It was filled with legos and comic books, cramped and disoriented. The computer looked older than Tony -and Tony was fairly old at this point-, the paint were chipped off off the walls, and the floor was on the verge of collapsing.</p><p> </p><p><em>Good lord,</em> he thought, sitting at the bed.</p><p> </p><p>The boy had denied it, of course. Tony would’ve believed him if he was any less smarter. The boy looked the bad type of skinny, and even with the superhuman strength that came with the spider, his muscles -if there were any- would’ve been at least <em>sore</em> after that show with the car. The boy looked <em>young </em>and <em>fresh, </em>innocent maybe. He had this power that he had no idea what to do, and it wasn’t even like a suit, which could be taken from him; it was his blood, himself.</p><p> </p><p>Tony remembered his birthday. The dick-measuring contest they had with Rhodey, how he put people in danger by blasting <em>watermelons </em>with his <em>repulsors, </em>and what more he could’ve done if the whole Ivan Vanko thing hadn’t happened. He didn’t want this <em>boy</em> to learn his lessons by getting nearly killed.</p><p> </p><p>“I have homework,” the boy had said. Tony nearly <em>laughed.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>Thank God, </em>he thought, for the first time in years. He inhaled the smell of dust and metal and <em>Peter,</em> nearly crying. <em>Thank God, thank God, thank God…</em></p><p> </p><p><em>“</em>Remember when we were in space and I got all dusty?” Peter asked, and Tony, on the verge of tears, hugged him, the metal suits clashing. ‘<em>Come here,’ </em>he said, and looked up to the sky, wanting to flip off the bastard up there. <em>If you’re that good and gracious as they tell, you’ll protect Peter.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tony knew it was all over when Strange looked at him with desperate eyes, his shaking finger announcing the very end of the Great Tony Stark.</p><p> </p><p>Well, Tony had lived.</p><p> </p><p>He had lived. He had partied off his mind, he had lost his parents, he had cried, he had done drugs and then did some more; he had met the love of his life and made weapons until he realized the unescapable truth. He had become the most popular mass murderer in America, then Iron Man, a hero. He had been the Merchant of Death, Savior of The World, an Avenger, and many more. He had been a husband to Pepper, a father to Morgan, and something of a father figure for Harley. He had been Rhodey’s friend, Happy’s notorious boss, and Peter’s mentor. He had been a teammate, a liar, a man in a tin can, and a coward.</p><p> </p><p>He had <em>lived.</em></p><p> </p><p>And now, it was their turn to live. Peter, Morgan, Harley, and everyone else. It was their chance to live their life without the buzzing threat of aliens and a purple raisin around the corner.</p><p> </p><p>The math was easy.</p><p> </p><p>He remembered the exact same words, only now they were in a battlefield, and they were an end of an era. The era of Tony Stark. The era of <em>him.</em></p><p> </p><p>Pepper had looked at him like he was lunatic, Rhodey had shaken his head, and Happy had laughed.</p><p> </p><p>Nobody was laughing now. Everything and everyone felt silent as he felt the power surging through his pains, banging off the walls of his brain. The infinite power was calling out to him, whispering; “<em>You can do anything you want, Tony. You can live with Pepper and Morgan forever, watch Morgan grow up. We can grant you your family.</em></p><p> </p><p><em>What about everyone else?</em>, Tony asked.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“The Stones require a sacrifice, Tony. You must make a sacrifice.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>This was the wire that Tony couldn’t cut. This was the end, or the very beginning.</p><p> </p><p><em>No,</em> Tony insisted. <em>I want to save them all, I want them to live. I want…</em></p><p> </p><p><em>“What do you want, Tony?” </em>The Stones urged. Tony was too numb to feel the burning pain now. Everything felt like fire, even thinking. His shoulders stiffened under the weight of the universe. He could watch Morgan's graduation, he could go back to those chilly nights with Pepper, where they shared a cup of coffee and kissed tenderly under the pale moonlight. he could go back to Harley, pleagueing him about Jack, and Peter, who would be <em>alive and well.</em></p><p><em>I want him gone, </em>he said, having made up his mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rhodey was the first one to find him after his very fun vacation in Afganistan. Ironically, he was the first one to find Tony across the battlefield too, between the particles of dust and the thick scent of blood.</p><p> </p><p>Tony saw the wet eyes of his Rhodeybear, defying gravity. <em>Oh, honeybear, </em>he thought, but couldn’t move his mouth. <em>You always protected me. Thank you.</em> Rhodey didn’t heat him. He just sobbed.</p><p> </p><p>The next one was the Spiderling. The boy kneeled by Tony’s side, dissolving into hiccups and sobs. ‘<em>Tony,’</em> he heard the boy say, and remembered the same words, spilled between quicken breaths and orange soil. <em>Thank you kid, for showing me everything that I couldn’t ever be, and making me try hard so that I could. I couldn’t have done this without you.</em></p><p> </p><p>Pepper, as gently as ever, grabbed the trembling boy by the shoulders, letting Rhodey catch him. Her green eyes were as lively as ever, only clouded with fear. ‘<em>Pep…’</em> Tony managed. His body didn’t seem to listen to him anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Tony, look at me.” Pepper said. <em>Bossy as always, </em>Tony thought, forcing his head. Pepper looked as beautiful as the day they first met.</p><p>...</p><p>
  <em>“So I’m just hired?,” she had exclaimed. Her hair was just hitting the right buttons for Tony. “That’s bullshit.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What?” Tony said, lifting his head up from the screen. Obadiah looked as scandalized as him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So, no test run, no talk, no protocol, no signing anything. I read the bullshit protocol you gave to the secretaries and it’s not talking about half the procedure.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Sweetheart, believe me, you’re gonna be gone in like, a week. Just, don’t ever bug me in the workshop, and if you’re lucky, and I go to some of the meetings this Titan orders me to go, you’ll last another.” The redhead seemed throughly annoyed by that. Well, that was just hitting all the right spots for Tony.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I believe you’re gonna be very…surprised, Mr. Stark, in fact, I can bet you I will last longer than all of your interns.” The woman had said, with a confident but professional smile on her face, and added, “Put together.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Well, Tony had always loved bets.</em>
</p><p>...</p><p>“We’re gonna be okay,” she said, and Tony believed her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I love you. Say hi to Madam Secretary for me.</em>
</p><p> </p>
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